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You Have Such Nice Veins December 15, 2025 By Colin Katchmar The part of recovery no one tells you about is the somatic score your body keeps. How it sweeps you under every time you go for routine blood work. When that needle pierces your skin, that needle is every needle you’ve ever loaded with…
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After three long nights of Dead & Company the LSD was wearing down and the Guinness had taken hold. Stage lights still flashed behind my retinas in strobes of red and blue. Bobby’s cracked and aged baritone echoed in my ears. It was the 60th anniversary celebration of the Grateful Dead, featuring Dead & Company…
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One Last Time A few days, after I overdosed, maybe a week—I don’t know how long because all the days blur into the same dull apathy as I numb my mind and slowly fade into amorphous oblivion—my girlfriend whom we’ll call Serenity catches on to my decline. She comes home from work to wake me…
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Once an Addict Two minutes late, I sneak into a Narcotics Anonymous meeting, unsure if this is where I should be at 8:00 pm on a Saturday night. All my peers are out, probably drunk at bars or house parties, smoking blunts and doing coke off someone’s key or a tiny metal spoon that looks like it belongs…
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The next morning is never the next morning. It feels like a yesterday you’re doomed to repeat. Like that song you hate that just keeps playing on the radio, and every time you get up to turn it off you somehow wake up to it again. You stand in front of the same dingy mirror…
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Some write to remember; some write to forget. I write to dull the noise in the back of my skull, the incessant reminder of bad decisions gone one step too far, the voice that never lets me forget how badly I hurt those around me with my own selfish mistakes. I guess I have this…
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And I guess I’m still on the run from what’s good and what’s real. But there’s no pleasure without pain and no forever without never. There’s never a gain when you only see what you lost. Love is only a game if you believe you’re a pawn.
Grateful I'm Not Dead 